An Irish Lass

So I guess in following with the same wonderful little theme of women in bars comes this short little story...

Well let us lay some stones first. I am a drinker if that wasn't obvious from the last post. I am also a arrogant asshole not without a soft and squishy side but you really have to like some abuse to be around me. (yes, I am that kind of bastard) Meanwhile back in my land of drink. I love drinks and booze mostly booze, but a well made drink is up there with a great book a good movie or a well dressed woman. Now, I love Bourbons, I love Scotch, I love Rum, I like Tequila and I pretty much will drink anything else except for Brandy and JagerMeister. Brandy before gasoline, gasoline before everclear and death before Jager. I love drinking and I love to eat, believing that my palette is fairly discerning and capable; picking out flavours is always a fun thing to do especially with drinks. ALL HAIL THE RETURN OF THE MIXOLOGISTS. (happiness, also I will try to refrain from using "I" for the rest of this story....gl I know.) (starting now)

Here's another lovely summer afternoon in SoCal, the sun is staying up late and nothing is better than being out doors or close to it. Through some miracle or moderate begging and mild finagling they cut me loose from work a couple of hours early. With dinner party plans on the horizon there has to be something to do before the party. Preferably something non committal yet enjoyable to do on my own. Since happy hour is a rarity in my life the hunt begins; with safety in mind and caution being the sign of the times the search is on to find something in or close to my ultimate destination.

With the neighborhood surrounding the party having been a well of redevelopment in recent years quite a few places have sprung up or been around that have yet to be explored. Selecting the classiest one (and open around 3 for late lunch/early dinner.) Ambling up to the bar and taking a seat dead center and happy as a lark we find ourselves in a rustic themed world dining experience. It's lovely decor is worldly with a touch of home. After a few minutes as if sent from the great OZ himself a tall drink of Irish firewater comes out from the back to take my drink order. (Was my love for women previously mentioned? If not, Women nothing beats them especially those who know how to present themselves. Yeah, moving on.)

So this Redheaded Wonder Woman appears and asks "What can I get 'cha honey?" My mood is playful and so desperately needing to be entertained. "What's the house specialty maybe the drink d'jour?" "That depends on what you like." followed by the standard wonderful wines  blah blah blah..."but, if you're looking for something special let me know and I can whip it up for you." Interest peaked, game on my fair skinned Amazonian Wonder Woman. "To be truthful Bourbon is my favorite second is Scotch then Rums and Tequila. A Mint Julip just won't do today, how would it look to have such a drink sans white suit and plantation?" with a giggle and a wink she proceeded to make me something delicious and refreshing. As we chatted and after a few slow pulls on what seems to be liquid salvation. We begin a dance, something that can only be described as Esoteric Drink Sex. Listing the items in the drink she had just poured being off only in description I scored pretty highly. So she responsibly asked if I was driving after many assurances. We really get obscure talking simple syrups, custom bitters and flavour pairings.

Nicely enough an older couple has saddled up to me at the bar as we are going over the multitude of things to imbibe. They must be regulars since they are greeted with their favorite wine; it appears faster than you can process the amount of rhinestones on the woman next to me. As the bottom of my glass is rapidly approaching. So I guess in following with the same wonderful little theme of women in bars comes this short little story...

Well let us lay some stones first. I am a drinker if that wasn't obvious from the last post. I am also a arrogant asshole not without a soft and squishy side but you really have to like some abuse to be around me. (yes, I am that kind of bastard) Meanwhile back in my land of drink. I love drinks and booze mostly booze, but a well made drink is up there with a great book a good movie or a well dressed woman. Now, I love Bourbons, I love Scotch, I love Rum, I like Tequila and I pretty much will drink anything else except for Brandy and JagerMeister. Brandy before gasoline, gasoline before everclear and death before Jager. I love drinking and I love to eat, believing that my palette is fairly discerning and capable; picking out flavours is always a fun thing to do especially with drinks. ALL HAIL THE RETURN OF THE MIXOLOGISTS. (happiness, also I will try to refrain from using "I" for the rest of this story....gl I know.) (starting now)

Here's another lovely summer afternoon in SoCal, the sun is staying up late and nothing is better than being out doors or close to it. Through some miracle or moderate begging and mild finagling they cut me loose from work a couple of hours early. With dinner party plans on the horizon there has to be something to do before the party. Preferably something non committal yet enjoyable to do on my own. Since happy hour is a rarity in my life the hunt begins; with safety in mind and caution being the sign of the times the search is on to find something in or close to my ultimate destination.

With the neighborhood surrounding the party having been a well of redevelopment in recent years quite a few places have sprung up or been around that have yet to be explored. Selecting the classiest one (and open around 3 for late lunch/early dinner.) Ambling up to the bar and taking a seat dead center and happy as a lark we find ourselves in a rustic themed world dining experience. It's lovely decor is worldly with a touch of home. After a few minutes as if sent from the great OZ himself a tall drink of Irish firewater comes out from the back to take my drink order. (Was my love for women previously mentioned? If not, Women nothing beats them especially those who know how to present themselves. Yeah, moving on.)

So this Redheaded Wonder Woman appears and asks "What can I get 'cha honey?" My mood is playful and so desperately needing to be entertained. "What's the house specialty maybe the drink d'jour?" "That depends on what you like." followed by the standard wonderful wines  blah blah blah..."but, if you're looking for something special let me know and I can whip it up for you." Interest peaked, game on my fair skinned Amazonian Wonder Woman. "To be truthful Bourbon is my favorite second is Scotch then Rums and Tequila. A Mint Julip just won't do today, how would it look to have such a drink sans white suit and plantation?" with a giggle and a wink she proceeded to make me something delicious and refreshing. As we chatted and after a few slow pulls on what seems to be liquid salvation. We begin a dance, something that can only be described as Esoteric Drink Sex. Listing the items in the drink she had just poured being off only in description I scored pretty highly. So she responsibly asked if I was driving after many assurances. We really get obscure talking simple syrups, custom bitters and flavour pairings.

Nicely enough an older couple has saddled up to me at the bar as we are going over the multitude of things to imbibe. They must be regulars since they are greeted with their favorite wine; it appears faster than you can process the amount of rhinestones on the woman next to me. to be continued....

Part II Wingman of Gold..

Coming in the door about an hour before close is a group that stands out. Non locals they don't have the same scent or walk; its a little stiffer a bit more intense they aren't slumming but this is them dressed down. So the third person in the group is a killer. She is so genetically attractive even Reyna was stopped mid sentence as she went by. She's the 1/3-5 everything that nature just gets right. The look is Neo-bohemian long skirt, beautiful blouse, combo hair, wrapped braided and flowing all at the same time. Graceful like she just breezed by light as air. Several of us all but fall to the floor. So senses regained I'm back at the bar checking in with Reyna. The original 2 guys have finally fitted their single up next to her, as I approach they try to block off no worries I just go through all clear so I'm good. So just to ensure our friends kept chatting one wingman says to me "I bet you can't get her number." Now I hate hearing no, I hate being doubted and I'm well sauced at this point. I know that's troll bait I practically engineer that line on many a wing person. So me being brilliant I take the bet. I watch the group it's an odd configuration. 3 women and 4 men but not a single one is showing interest in each other (or it's the booze and I have tunnel vision for the woman).

After a couple of minutes of watching I jump in. Ignoring the most attractive woman I'd seen in months and just making a fool of myself. The positive is that everyone at the table is engaged with me. I have her friends laughing yet it's not complete one person is extremely defensive. After 5 minutes of putting her off and being a positive jester. I turn to this creature and just lay it out on the table. "You're the most attractive woman I've seen in ages and I can't for the life of me place your heritage." Her friends tense a bit but are still enjoying the show. The girl to her left jumps at me with a cold and serious "This is my girlfriend." As I said I wasn't here to break people up. So I look this women in the eye and quietly turn to the creature and say "Really?" Now this beauty is holding me with her hazel/jade eyes and porcelain skin. She refuses to break eye contact and just holds me there quietly for what feels like eternity.

So about six beats go by, seconds, nothing, a life time, that moment at the beginning of 2001 where the music grows but you're shrinking. I know now I had lost at that moment. I was only getting this moment to play in her world. I break the beat tell a joke we all laugh. Now she is my only focus. Every question every line is directed at her. Her friends respond for her ask me questions toss jokes but nothing no break. I'm not getting that moment back. I wish them a good night and walk away.

Back at the bar le wingman says "I told you so." I laugh and tell him. "I'm no where near done." I cycle through the bar have a drink and use the head. Now here it gets a little twisted. Between the drunken conversations and men falling about in the restroom; I politely but definitively move some people aside. (come on when you gotta go, jackasses with apocalyptic contingency plans trying to out do each other is not what you want to hear. Stream and beam people, use, wash, run.)

Back to check on Reyna and she's doing well the guys are laughing at me an having a grand time. We all chat and then someone says those magical words that happen every now and then "hot tub". So here's my "in" as long as this woman is in sight the challenge is still on.

Now I'm cooking with gas.

As I turn back someone grabs my shoulder. It’s a guy from the restroom, he says “Me and my friends don’t like you.” “That’s pleasant but I am kind of busy.” “I’m gonna kick your ass...” Finally I turn and to him and calmly say “OK, great go wait over there. I will be with you in a minute.”. His friends call him over and much to his displeasure drag him away.

I turn back to this woman and get down on one knee and propose no joke. Down on one knee on the pavement 2 am on a Sunday morning. I get no response so I drop to both knees looking like a disheveled Benny Hill begging for forgiveness and then I ask a second time although in Spanish. In English proposals are simple and kind of flowering. I don’t know but to me some things sound better in other languages and some shit is just sexy as all hell in Spanish. So for point of reference and accuracy I said and I quote “Me aras el gran honor de ser mi esposa?” At this point I notice her friends are recording it on their cell phones. (Yes, there is video of this somewhere and hopefully every phone broke before it could be uploaded to something else.) The shock the fun is all around and this beauty says quietly “No puedo, pero te chupare el bon bon.” I howled at the response and in Spanish no less it was a great laugh and we hugged traded info.

Very shortly her friends and her “Girlfriend” started leaving and dragging her off into the ether. As I look around Reyna and her friends are just stunned. We collect ourselves and head over to the hot tub. Finally relaxing I turn to the friend and say well don’t let it be said that I won’t go the extra mile. A few hours later so about 4 am I get a FB approval from this woman and what do I do? I jump up giddy as a kid I peruse her page and guess what. Yeah, that was her girlfriend. No regrets I bet they had the best make up sex later.

Moral of this story I get excitable when I drink and when you see it act a fool no one really matters any way as long you are safe aren’t a danger to yourself or others.

PS Oh yeah we followed through on the hot tub it lead to some amazing fun for Reyna and why I am a golden wing man? I kept everyone entertained and too boot I had the presence of mind, to check in and be aware of needs. :) yup I am.  

Wingman of Gold

Instead of playing catch up, let's start fresh. Let's say all the characters are the same only one or two didn't make it past the pilot for our series.


So moving on. Time to tell a story, time to have some great adventure.... Did you have one? Great tell me about it.





Fascinating,
Holy...wait explain that last part. OK, I got it continue.


Why did she have a planet of the apes mask? Oh
Oh dear.

Well glad to hear it was resolved.



Well now if my adventures were closer to that I'd write more often.
OK my turn.

(Also this may be a 2 or 3 part post since It’s kind of a bear in one shot.)

Let's set the stage a warm Southern California afternoon, the kind of day where you get "Spring Fever" you know that itch that says “Get outside, run, sit in the park drink with a hobo and do anything but work.” Yeah one of those days.  So I'm heading home delightfully early in the evening when I get a call from Reyna "Whatcha’ doin' mister? I need to get out, I need a wing man." Now I don't know about any of you but when a beautiful woman says "Let's go hunting." I get my gear.  "Yeah, I'm in let me get gussied up." So cue cheesy Batman theme song from the '60's (yes the nananana,,nana etc) so this is one of those special nights where you know it could be a shit show but it will be the best looking train wreck ever. So its hard to out do a Queen and I do call her "Reyna" I do my best to look like I fit in. So I scoop her up and we're off to the races.


Bar 1: Great little place fun to have a chat with someone and shoot a game of pool. A couple problems everyone is coupled up and looking like they're only 2 drinks shy of last call. Nothing worth working on so we toss back our sailor and gingers. Chat, eye the crowd and decide to move on. We laugh on the way out because you notice "the look" its not bad its just a little shock "Why, are you putting in so much effort, why are making me look bad? Why is my date/s.o. Looking at them ooh I get it."


On too bar 2: Darker, dingy, not the night to be here. On other occasions this place is good. Really hit or miss for us in general we chat up the known bartenders toss down another set of sailor & gingers. Then walk across the street to a rarely hit spot but now we're getting adventurous.


Bar 3: Shitty EDM and dead, its us and the staff. One of the rare times we don't oblige the standard of 1 per bar. Now a little dejected we regroup. Rally the forces of will and faith and say screw it last chance let's hit the usual and if all else fails we'll get fushnickens and walk home.


So fourth bar in half as many hours.

Now "The Usual" is a hit for a variety of reasons the crowd changes nightly the drinks are good and you get everything from the articulate self starters to the down played  techies and everything else.
So in we go, now I do my best to be a gentleman at all times. Also I know the value of a good entrance. I look good I feel good but I'm not a show stopper. Reyna is, so in she goes I give her about a 3 second lead. Just as heads are turning and taking her in *pop* "here I is!" Pulling the full escort to the bar. We're setting a standard, men are looking at her women are looking at her but they’re also seeing our interactions. (my value goes up 6 points just on proper association.)

So we decide on drinks, break off and take laps. I find nothing, the only people I'm looking at are in couples but I'm not here for that. She's got the same bag couples and gay men. So we call it a wash let's start drinking. A round or two later after multiple conversations I met some cool people share a joke or two. We check in again and then we notice a couple of guys pulling a "divide and conquer". Not a problem she's a big girl and they're chill. So I start bullshitting with the wing man. Good guy evidently out with 2 others for a guys night before one gets married. I take a couple more laps check in. We all have a couple laughs and then the night changes.

So here is where I provide the proverbial cliff hanger. 0.o the night changed for good for bad for heavens and for true?? Well gimme a day or two  plus you get to ruminate or forget about this. Mostly and hopefully the former and not the latter.

holy....

Holy of all things in hell. Having damn near lost the complete use of my right hand for several months took a hell of a toll on my mind and body. Then I decided to lose the rest of the little sense I had and run back into a relationship based on comfort rather than health. The Hex an amazing woman a great person but the two of us create an extremly toxic enviornment